Calmer

[deborah_c]

Spent yesterday evening with elise, which was much needed to unwind. Lots of time to talk, both about things that are bothering me at the moment, and about life in general; lots of most welcome fluff and gossip, too. Mid-evening deliberateblank joined us; blackmetalbaz arrived bearing bottles of wine, and was very charming right up to the point of losing consciousness during Nosferatu. He wasn't alone in this: only Elise got to see the whole film, as far as I know, although I think even she got distracted at times... Later in the evening eviltwinemma came to find Baz, and feanelwa joined in when she got home; all in all a generally calming and pleasant time, at least from my side, despite a few moments of panic at one point. Thanks especially to Elise for looking after me, but also to everyone who was there.

I crashed there overnight, to be gently woken by daylight coming through the windows at about 6am. It's nice to get that; my bedroom at home doesn't get the morning sunlight, and it's much more pleasant to wake naturally, I think. Stayed and talked a little more over breakfast cups of tea, and then home to energetic and enthusiastic children...

I've spent today feeling not exactly calm, but more sort of flat. Partly that's tiredness, which I hope I'm about to cure; partly it's being emotionally drained by the last few days. I do feel a lot less self-destructive than I did, though, although I'm not sure exactly what has helped most -- possibly being distracted from my own problems, possibly putting them at least very slightly more into perspective. It's a definite change for the better, at least, even if I'm still feeling fragile; my appetite has also returned somewhat, which is a good thing too. I do worry that I seem to be so up and down, that the downs are so low and can happen so easily, though. I hope that next week I may be able to do something about starting to tackle the most obvious cause, at least.

Comments

[blackmetalbaz.livejournal.com]

and was very charming right up to the point of losing consciousness during Nosferatu.

Oo, thank you! I've never been described as charming before... I usually just get 'drunk but enthusiastic'.